


McKira

by purpleline



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Light works at McDonalds, M/M, can i get fries with a side order of homicide, every chapter title is a pun of mcdonalds food + death, give the people what they want!!!, i mean mostly seriously idk it gets weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleline/pseuds/purpleline
Summary: Light Yagami was a genius who once had a notebook, a death god at his side, and his dignity.Now his notebook isn't working, the death god keeps laughing at him, and he lost his dignity packing up the last order of 3am Big Macs while working in the Drive-Through.In which the Death Note suddenly stops working, and in an effort to throw off L's suspicions, Light takes up a "normal teenage hobby" by working at the local McDonalds.





	1. Chicken (Death) Noteggets

Was it difficult being a stunningly handsome charismatic teenage genius who also happened to be the god of a new world? Well, short answer? Not really. For Light Yagami, it was just part of who he was - par for the course, if you’d excuse his golf metaphor.

He flexed his fingers and lifted his fountain pen, hovering it over the cover of the Death Note.  Another day, another batch of criminals to kill. It would have been tiring for a lesser man – but for Light Yagami, the smartest student in Tokyo? It was just a normal day.

He opened the cover, but still did not write a name, gently tracing the pages with his other hand. He would be glad that he was almost done with school – there would be so much more time to continue his true purpose.

Then there was the matter of L…

Light leaned back in his chair, as if the mere thought of the enigmatic detective tired him out – which it didn’t. Light Yagami wasn’t a person who got _tired_. Especially not because of someone like _L._

Light rapped his pen on the table. He’d have to make a plan regarding L, perhaps if he could lure him out using some sort of elaborate trap-

“Are you ever going to write a name or are you just going to keep your internal narration going indefinitely?” Ryuk interrupted.

A noise of irritation left Light but he didn’t grace the shinigami with a reply. He flipped to the nearest blank page, and briefly recalled the names he’d memorized earlier this evening on the news. He still did not write a word.

“Liiiight,” Ryuk sang. “Why are you stalling so much?”

“Can you give me a minute, honestly?” Light snapped back, and began to write. The pen was a blur – he wrote at a speed faster than normal, as if to deliberately get back at Ryuk. In less than a minute the entire page was filled, and then, he turned it over, and set to work on the next page.

Ryuk had grown bored of watching Light write names with an expression suggesting he was constipated. When he asked Light for apples, he told him to ‘get out’ and Ryuk decided to follow that advice.

 

He was in the Yagami yard when he noticed the letter fall at its feet. For a moment he wondered if this had fallen from the mailbox – but that appeared not to be the case.

Ryuk knelt down and lifted the letter, emblazoned with a wax seal. Opening it, he read and began to laugh.

_Shinigami Ryuk,_

_We have noticed an unreasonably high amount of deaths resulting from your Death Note as of late. Such an amount is unacceptable without prior notification. I have found it necessary to request the Shinigami King suspend your Death Note until you avail yourself at a hearing to determine your reasons for these deaths._

_I expect a formal reply soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Administrator of the Grim Reaper Dispatch_

Ryuk laughed loudly and crumpled the letter up, throwing it in the distance. Yeah, _sure_ , they’d _suspend his Death Note_. _Sure_.

*

“Today marks the first day without any Kira killings.”

Light was eating his lunch, staring into space when his bubble of peace burst. The sentence from a news report and instantly brought him out of his daydream of standing on top of the body of L while shaking hands with Ryuk.

“What?” he said, turning to his mother and sister.

“It’s the first day without any Kira killings,” Sayu repeated. “Maybe Dad will come home early today, then!”

So he did hear correctly – unsurprising, of course. A deeper thought pressed Light’s mind than that of his father. Light had very clearly written names in the Note last night to go off today. Seven, in fact.

He excused himself to his room, and frantically flipped open the Note, where the names remained as black stains on the page. Undoubtedly in existence and undoubtedly supposed to represent people now dead.

“How’s this possible?” he thought aloud.

Was L submitting fake names to the newspapers? Could that be it? But no, it couldn’t be. He had names written from earlier dates set to expire that had not come to fruition as well. This had nothing to do with him… Light rewrote the names, and listened to the distant hum of the television downstairs.

Yet there was nothing.

“Ryuk, what’s going on?” Light asked, turning to the shinigami who promptly shrugged.

Then Ryuk paused. “Oh, the Note may not be working.”

Light turned to face Ryuk and wondered for the second time in an hour if his hearing was deceiving him again. “What?”

Ryuk shrugged.

“That’s ridiculous. Of course it works. It worked yesterday!” Light replied. He ran his hand through his perfectly conditioned hair and sighed.

Ryuk hummed loudly before adding, “It could be that the Shinigami King may have suspended my Death Note.”

Light stared at him. “That’s a very particular reason you have given me. Why do you think that?”

“I _may_ have gotten a letter about it. Apparently there’s too much killing happening from my Death Note and they wanted to know why.”

It was an interesting sight, watching Light’s face slowly flush with anger. It reminded Ryuk of an apple, and wow, he could _really_ go for one of those now-

 “And did you tell them that I had it? And that everything was under control? That I was the best person to handle such an object?” Light pressed.

“No.”

Light stood up, as if he briefly considered physically fighting Ryuk but decided it was far more likely he would lose. “Well, can you fix it?”

“It should wear off soon enough,” Ryuk said, lazily flicking his hand. He was _not_ in the mood to go for a _hearing_.  He lay on Light’s bed, disrupting the sheets which earned him another glare.

“Are you sure? I can’t have any room for errors, Ryuk! And this is a big error!” Light cried waving the Note in front of him. “Now look what you’ve made me do. I bent one of the pages.”

“You did? Oh Light, that’s very bad. Didn’t you read rule seventy nine? Whomsoever damages the Death Note in any way, accidental or on purpose, will die in the next three thousand seconds.”

“You’re bluffing,” Light said, staring at Ryuk’s cold eyes, doing the rough calculations for how many minutes that would be in his mind. Fifty minutes, that would be almost an hour, could he wait it out… Ryuk was obviously making a joke but how was he supposed to know for sure-

Light frantically flipped forward to the rules of the Note and looked for rule seventy nine but received his answer when Ryuk fell off his bed laughing.

“Honestly, Ryuk, was that necessary?” Light flushed red, and sat back at his desk, pen in hand. He paused – what exactly was he supposed to do while he waited for his Note to be active again?

For one, it would look _highly_ suspicious to L. Why would Kira inexplicably disappear? What could he do though? Take a lawnmower and just start mowing criminals to bits in the streets?

Of course not. His suits would get so dirty.

Also, on a more serious thought, it would be much too difficult to conduct actual murders. And how exactly would he know when the Note is active again?

If Light had the emotional capacity, he would cry. He didn’t, however, and instead shut the Note and locked it up. He turned to Ryuk, who had recovered from his laughing fit.

“What now?” Light asked.

“Can we get more apples?”

Light rubbed his temples. “Sure.” He turned down a date from Kiyomi Takada to write names in the Death Note tonight, and now it appears he had a grocery shopping date with his Shinigami. All in all, he still preferred it.

“Come on Ryuk,” he sighed. “Maybe things will be better tomorrow.”

Still, despite everything, he at least still had his dignity.

*

**_A WEEK WITHOUT KIRA KILLINGS. HAS HE BEEN CAUGHT? HAS THE MYSTERIOUS L CRACKED THE CASE? NO ARRESTS MADE._ **

“What a rather unnecessarily long headline,” Ryuk remarked.

Light buried his head on his desk. “Is the Note still inactive?”

The crunchy noise of apples interrupted his thought process. “I don’t know. I won't start vibrating if that's the sign that you're looking for.”

“I can’t do this.” Light growled, grabbing his mobile phone with his left hand and dialing Takada’s number. With his right hand, he flipped open the Death Note and wrote her name. Pity if she dies, but at this point, at least it will give him an immediate idea of whether the Note works. Whatever, he'll look really sad at her funeral and even L will feel sorry for him. 

“Hiiii Light!”

“Hi Takada,” Light said, effortlessly switching to his charming voice. “How are you?”

She seemed remarkably excited. “It’s so nice to hear from you! I’m great, and yourself?”

His eyes drifted to his watch. Twenty more seconds… “Oh I’m good. Studying hard. Really hard. And you?”

“Oh, of course! We need to do our best-“

Ten more seconds. At this point Light stopped listening and was literally counting down the seconds.

Five.

“-and did you see what he was wearing at school-“

Four.

“-it was so-“

Three

“unbelievable, but was there-“

Two.

“-anything else you wanted-“

One. (He was salivating at this point.)

“-to talk about?” Takada finally finished.

Light paused.

“Light?” she asked, as alive and chirpy as ever.

“No. I should go back to studying. Bye Takada.” He hung up without waiting for her reply. There was nothing that he wanted to talk to her about.

He groaned loudly, and for lack of anything better to do, flung his pencil case to the floor, sending pens flying across the room if just to make _something_ happen for once.

Ryuk laughed again as he watched the neatly sharpened pencils roll under his bed. “Wouldn’t it be funny if all the names you wrote in the Death Note while it wasn’t working suddenly came true all at once?”

Light paled. There were _pages_ of criminals and not to mention Takada. “That won’t happen, will it?” Fifty people dropping dead at once including Light's girlfriend... that would be Not Good.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been suspended before,” Ryuk giggled, doing a somersault in the air.

Light wondered what L was doing at this very moment, and what he could possibly be thinking. He stared off in the distance, and thought what would be inside his mind at this very second. What musings would the mighty L partake in on this afternoon?

 

_Why didn’t Watari bring me another slice of cake?_

He’d never find out. Light sighed, and looked back towards Ryuk. “Get off the bed.”

“Oooh, is someone angry?” Ryuk asked, hovering over Light.

“No,” Light said through gritted teeth. “I’m not angry at all Ryuk. I’m so glad that as God, I have to wait around for the Note to start working again. It’s great. Absolutely fantastic.”

“You sound angry,” Ryuk replied.

Again, Light was overwhelmed with the desire to fight him, but decided not to. “Ryuk, I have to do something. It’ll look too suspicious to L if I just sit around waiting for the Note to start working again. When school's done, what am I supposed to do all day? Play marbles? Pretend to read more porn? What if he bugs my room again?”

Perhaps he should have told his woes to someone who cared more. But he didn’t. He told them to Ryuk, who just shrugged. “There’s always McDonalds.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this trash the next chapter will be up pretty soon tbh i already wrote like half of this. 
> 
> dont be misled by the lack of mcdonalds in this chapter, it will be coming and it will be SuperSized(TM).


	2. Death Note Machine Broke

“Yes, I’ll have a Happy Meal. And one of your smiles too, young man!”

The woman in front of him had spent what felt like ten years deciding on her order, and despite being closer to fifty, still tried to flirt with Light.

He awkwardly pulled his peak cap down emblazoned with a yellow ‘M’ and entered the order on the cash register. “No problem ma’am. Thanks for ordering McDonalds.”

“What about that smile?”

Light stared at her. He briefly entertained the idea of what a McDonald's Massacre would entail, and the kind of history books he’d be featured in if he committed it.

“It’s right here m'am,” Light said, pulling a smile that looked as nightmarish as Ryuk’s.

The shinigami in question had been rifling through the trash, eating stray French fries, and by apparently having some telepathic sense for when Light was embarrassed, looked up at him. “Don’t you look handsome?” he guffawed. “Giving all the old ladies heart palpitations? Very impressive.”

Light pointedly ignored him as he gave the woman her order and bid her farewell. There was a momentary lapse in customers, and Light all but collapsed on his till. He had been on his feet for nearly five hours and his lunch break was further away than his dignity.

Light gazed at his reflection in the display counter. It was the hat, he thought, that was the most demeaning. The apron was just sensible – lord knows he didn’t want grease stains on his person. But the hat? Absolutely terrible. The M might as well have stood for ‘moron’. He patted some stray locks falling out from underneath it and sighed.

Closing his eyes for a second, he let his mind go blank. It’s just a matter of time till the Death Note will work again and all will be good and normal in the world, and the God can return to, and when that happens, his manager’s name is first to be written-

“Um… excuse me?”

Light’s eyes shot open at the man in front of him. He shifted awkwardly at having to awaken his server. He reminded Light of the kind of professionals he saw on the train in the morning, the ones with well-fitted suits that even Light was impressed by. He had his cellphone open in his right hand, and a briefcase under his left hand. “Can I order?”

“Yes, sorry!” Light apologized, cringing at the thought of this stranger seeing him fall asleep at his minimum wage job. “What can I get for you?”

“Black coffee and a sausage McMuffin. To go, please.”

Light nodded. “Credit card or cash?”

The man handed over his credit card which stated his name as one _Teru Mikami_. Light thought nothing of it and swiped the card and put the order through to the kitchen.

Underneath his briefcase, Light noticed the man had a copy of the daily newspaper, and again, there was a headline questioning Kira’s disappearance. Did the police release any details about it yet?

“Two weeks without Kira,” Light commented conversationally.

Mikami looked up at Light, surprised that he was being talked to. “Yes. How unfortunate.”

“Are there any details on what happened?” he asked.

Mikami pulled on his collar awkwardly. “No. Public rumour seems to be that it’s because of the Japanese Police. Crime has already gone up.”

“Of course it has,” Light sighed, briefly turning around to pour the man’s coffee. “It’s devastating.” He froze, upon realizing that he just implied to a stranger that he supported Kira. What a stupid mistake. He blamed it on the hat, it was heating up his head and probably killing some brain cells while it was at it.

 In fact… could this man _be_ L? He looked an educated handsome fellow… L?

But to Light’s relief, Mikami did not immediately arrest him, rather he looked away as if personally affected. “Indeed. I wish Kira would return…- but anyway, it’s not in our hands.” Mikami grabbed his takeout. “Thank you.”

He left with little more conversation and although Light knew it was unrealistic to expect this man to spend time chatting to an employee, he was sad to watch him leave. For one, he voiced his clear support of Kira. That was definitely something worth pursuing in the future. Teru Mikami… perhaps he could use him one day. If the Note ever worked again…

Light turned around and saw Ryuk now staring at the ice cream machine, seconds away from breaking it. Well, if it’s broken, it makes his own life easier, might as well let him get on with it.

“Light, can you pour a large coke?” one of his coworkers called, snapping him out of his reverie.

*

Light was face down on his bed, nearly suffocating himself with his pillow. Ryuk was spinning on his chair because _of course that’s what he was doing_.

Twenty six days. Six hundred and twenty four hours. Thirty seven thousand and four hundred and forty minutes-

It had already been twenty six days since he began working and each moment felt like several years. Light stopped himself from doing the conversion into seconds. He was driving himself crazy whenever he was alone with his thoughts  - for all the physical and mental exertion of McDonalds, at least it left his mind sufficiently distracted.

It was what brought him to working at McDonalds to begin with. His brief holiday break following graduation had been welcome as an opportunity to wholly commit himself to being Kira. Now, it seemed to be an endless stretch of time that he could not fill.

He made an excuse to Ryuk that it would look ‘normal’ if someone like his age got a job at a regular place like other ‘regular’ teenagers. And although it was demeaning and far too sweaty and horrible _,_ it gave him something to think about and something to control when the world he was creating slipped out of his grasp.

Sure he can’t control justice, but he can control what sauce someone gets with their McNuggets and that’s roughly the same thing?

He wrote a name daily, but for all the use it did, he could have been writing dramatic sonnets about his own misfortune (and he did consider it).

His mouth felt like sandpaper when Light finally woke up. He blearily looked around the room, viewing his moist pillow with disgust, and saw the time flashing five o’clock. He needed to get up for work.

It was too painful to even look at the drawer where the Death Note lay, and Light ignored it as he put on his uniform, scarcely looking down as he buttoned up his shirt. Before leaving his room, he looked at the mirror and at the cap which amplified his humiliation tenfold.

“Ryuk, with me as the new god, I will exterminate McDonalds from every corner of the Earth,” Light swore.

“I really like the nuggets though,” the shinigami replied as he walked out of the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light in a mcdonalds cap is all i need in life honestly

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this trash the next chapter will be up pretty soon tbh i already wrote like half of this. 
> 
> dont be misled by the lack of mcdonalds in this chapter, it will be coming and it will be SuperSized(TM).


End file.
